1000 Dixie Cups

There's nothing quite like a family wedding to hold a mirror up to your singleness. This very thing happened to me recently. Watching the bride walk down the aisle, I wondered if I might do something similar. I long for the day that my Dad can share in that special moment with me.

It is in situations like this that I find myself reflecting on the life I thought I would have and examining the one that is my reality. It has always been my intention to get married and have a family. However, I find myself unintentionally single. I wish I knew why. If I did, I could change the situation or fix whatever is wrong. But, I don't know if there is an answer to that question.

Just when I feel like the pieces of the puzzle are finally coming together and it all makes so much sense, I realize that in fact, I was mistaken. What I briefly thought could be mine is once again snatched away.

I no longer feel like going out every weekend. Yet, I feel society's pressure that I should be out there every weekend. I have grown tired of this. What I long for is someone to "do life" with.

I recently heard it summarized this way and thought it was so accurate to how I feel. You thirst to drink from a deep well (that one meaningful relationship) but instead you are forced to satisfy that thirst with 1000 dixie cups.

I have some really amazing friends and people in my life and I am truly thankful for those awesome relationships. But, they are like dixie cups. I am waiting to settle in to my life with a husband and stop the temporary fixes. By this, I mean meeting someone for coffee here, dinner there, a movie this night or a concert that night. These are all great things and I treasure my time spent with my friends but it just does not fulfill what my heart aches for.

You may be reading this and you have been married so long you forget what it's like to be single. If that is you, please let me give you some advice. Asking a single person why they are not dating someone or not married is not only not helpful, but it's hurtful. (I can imagine this is similar to asking someone when they are going to have a baby) You cannot know what is happening below the surface and unless you have been brought into that inner trust circle, you really shouldn't have much to say about the matter.

And so, I carry on. I have a pretty great life and as mentioned above, have some fabulous friends and family. I have a lot to be grateful for. But, sometimes there are moments when the thoughts expressed here wash over me. It's good to write them down and get them out. Thanks for reading.